Sometimes, things have to get worse before they can get better.

What is going on in this world. I miss the old days. Lately my mind has been all over the place. Sometimes I find I cant even think straight. Trying to write this blog is hard enough I really dont know where to start..

Whats going on in my mind...
Well to me it seems that everybody is moving on. This in general scares me. I dont like change, although I know sometimes it is for the better. I am finding that I need space. Space from all the problems in my life.  I dont mean to sound like a whingy person and usually Im not. I dont like to tell people about things that bother me. This is because 1. I dont want to bring them down. 2. Its generally not there problem. 3. I dont like to think I have problems. haha
But I have become someone who I dont recognise. I just need to get away for a while. Not run away of course. That is like the total opposite, i just wish i could press pause. A bit like the movie click. Just pause for a bit, slow everything that seems to be moving so fast and regain my thoughts.

Family is basically the most important thing in my life. I dont know how I would ever get by without them.  I am lucky enough to have some friends who may as well be family. You guys know who you are. Lately I have been thinking about things. I am a huge believer that nobody should change who they are for someone else.  This is where i show my hypercritical side, as I have in the past found myself to become a totally different person. I have lost sight of myself and dont really know how to get that back. There are only a few people who know the real me, and they are the ones who mean everything to me.

I have  finally come to a time in my life where I have become sick and tired of pretending to be something or someone I am not. I will not walk around anymore letting people hurt me, and I dont want to have this attitude anymore. I dont deserve the way I have been treated. I wont stand for it anymore.

Growing apart is not something I like to think about. But it is becoming a re-occuring factor in my life. Sometimes people just fade away. Its not necesarily because there is no love or friendship but it more or less refers back to my idea of needing space. I feel some really important people in my life are either growing apart from myself, or each other. Some of these people I cannot possible live without, and I am scared of losing them. Wow, i just admitted being scared. Breaking Point!

Anyways, no matter how long I sit here and try to explain how i feel its probably not going to make much sense. I know I have spend alot of time talking about the things that are upsetting me but of course my life is still filled with happy things!  Well I know I am going to read this tomorrow and realise how amazingly ridiculous this all sounds. (I get emotional when I am tired, and generally say ALL the wrong things.) I am extremely sorry to bore anyone who may be reading, if you made it this far down in the post.

Just quickly, I have a special friend who wrote something today that really touched me. It made me smile and made me realise how lucky I am to have her in my life. She means a great deal to me and is a true friend. She knows who she is. I love you.